


Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam

by WeWillSpockYou



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-05
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-14 15:58:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1272523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones can't sleep so he opens up his email!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spam, Spam, Spam and Spam

It was the middle of the night and Bones couldn’t sleep. Jim was working Gamma shift and wouldn’t be back for hours yet. Bones had accepted a long time ago he just couldn’t sleep unless he was spooned behind Jim Kirk. He decided he would get up and plow through his email. It boggled his mind just how quickly messages stacked up.

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: Viagra- NEED MORE WOOD TO STAY IN THE GAME FOR EXTRA INNINGS?_

What the fuck? “Sure as fuck don’t need Viagra, thank you VERY much. Got plenty a wood, dammit.”

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: Long Dong Silver’s Super Dooper Dildo Emporium- Big dongs, little dongs, cum get em while they’re hot!_

“You gotta be kiddin me? I didn’t know they had a retail shop on Orion…”

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: Your Daily Leo Horoscope-_ _Someone new comes your way today and may shake up the way you see the galaxy._

“What the hell is this?  I’m a fricken Capricorn for the love of God.”

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: Amazon.com- This week’s pick in ROMANCE_

“Who in hell reads this malarkey anyway? Maybe I should wishlist it…”

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From:  Facebook- Jocelyn Darnell has added you as a friend!!_

“Well that’s just peachy, wonder if she’s been pervin on those shirtless pics a me and Jim on Risa?”

 **To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From:  Doctor Who Shop- TARDIS Sale, New t-shirts heralding the arrival of the 453 rd Doctor_

“Wow, they’re on the 453rd doctor already, guess I have some catchin up to do.”

**To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: The Hair Club for Male Humanoids- Get your hair back in as little as 4 weeks!!_

“Dammit, I wonder if Jim thinks I’m gettin a little thin on top?”

**To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: Strategies of Seduction- Drive your partner CRAZY in bed tonight!_

“What happens if y’partner is already crazy?”

**To:[LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil](mailto:LHMCCOY@ussenterprise.starfleet.mil)  
** _From: VYDOX TRIAL- Strong Powerful Erections Can Be Yours CLICK to find out how._

“Yeah, I click and get spammed with some Gorn having a three-some with…hmmm might be fun.”

“WAIT JUST A GOD DAMMED MINUTE. Where in the blue fuck are all of these emails comin from? I sure as shit didn’t sign up for these.” Then of course it dawned on Bones not where the emails were coming, but from WHOM the emails were coming.

“Dammit, JIM!”

**Author's Note:**

> The title for this story comes from and OLD Monty Python sketch where spam was on the menu! You could get spam and eggs or pancakes and spam, spam, spam and spam and so on!! 
> 
> A lot of the emails I used came from my own Spam filter in my own email. *innocent* All but for Long Dong Silver's Super Dooper Dildo Emporium. Many apologies to Long John Silver and Robert Louis Stevenson. I'm really sorry except that I'm NOT! This business is a go, K as soon as you get us that original mold...
> 
> Jim is pissed that all the really good things happen when he's sitting in the Captain's chair. I pointed out that sitting in the Captain's chair was a REALLY good thing too. Captain Kirk was not available for further comment...


End file.
